Dicks a big Guy
by IHateTheCold
Summary: This is a short story of what happens when Edward spies on Bella
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Where you off to, bro?" Emmett asked, walking up behind me.

_As if I don't already know. _I could almost see the smirk on his face.

I turned and shot an icy glare at him, he could be so unbelievably childish sometimes, and _I'm_ supposedly the youngest in the family. I rolled my eyes at the thought. If there was one thing my brother was not, it was mature.

"Oh don't be mad, Eddy. You can run off to your girlfriend's house. You won't hear another word from me."

_Out loud at least! I hope you're listening! What's so fascinating about watching a human sleep anyway? It seems pointless to me…I mean there are so many better ways they could be occupying that time if he would just change her…_

The repetitiveness of this conversation was something I quickly grew tired of each and every time. Why did my family insist on not understanding my decision to allow Bella, sweet, innocent, Bella, to keep her soul? I wouldn't reduce her existence to this.

I picked up the closest thing I could find which, lucky for him, turned out to be only a cushion, and threw it at full speed at his head.

To my dismay, he dodged it easily, but then got the next best thing. Jasper just happened to be coming down the stairs at that exact moment, and hadn't heard our squabble beforehand.

"Oh, man! What was that for?!" Jasper trudged down the stairs, having been hit instead of Emmett.

"Edward's just trying to find a way to release all that sexual tension that's been building for the past 105 years," Emmett chuckled.

Jasper joined in his laughter; they were enjoying this way too much. "Hmm, you know, _actually_, he isn't throwing as hard as he used to...maybe he's found another outlet," Jasper trailed off suggestively.

I glared at the two of them as they shook with laughter. "Well if his throwing is as bad as his…" I could already hear the next part of that sentence forming in his mind. Emmett was now rolling on the floor and it didn't seem as if Jasper would be on his feet for much longer either, he was almost convulsing in giggles. Yes, my brother, the 162 year old vampire was _giggling! _My anger was mounting.

"He — he might never get any…and then what will we do?!"

I glanced around the room; I couldn't take anymore of this. I needed something that would inflict more damage then the cushion. Though the chances of inflicting damage to us were quite slim, I had nothing to lose for trying.

Then I saw it. The new couch sat right in front of me, Esme's new pride and joy, the one she had shipped over from Italy. Without another thought, I took a firm hold of it and launched it towards them. They were too consumed in their girlish giggles to notice it fly at them, before it hit.

I snickered to myself before turning and hurrying out the door, not wanting to have to deal with them again as I heard the inevitable crack that came with the couch breaking in half on Emmett's head.

I took off running the familiar path to Bella's house, the wind whistling past me, I pushed myself harder, racing with it, all thoughts of Emmett and Jasper and their ridiculous immaturity flying from my mind. Running was so second nature to me that I hardly needed to concentrate at all while I did it. And, as usually happened when I didn't need to pay attention to the activity at hand, my thoughts strayed to Bella.

The last time I'd seen her had been on school on Friday before I'd left to go hunting. After our return from Italy I had tried to leave her side as little as possible because being away from her had become physically painful. I'd returned early from our hunting trip for just that reason, I was eager to get back to her.

As her house came into view, I headed straight for her window, moving too fast for the human eye to detect. The image of her shocked expression at the sight of me home a day earlier than expected filled my mind; I smiled as I dashed up the wall and in her window. However, nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.

In her room I found not only Bella, but Angela and Jessica too! None of them had realized I was there, thankfully. But within one second I had another problem. My shock caused me to jump backwards. Without warning I was freefalling straight for the earth below Bella's window. I quickly righted myself so I would land on my feet. However, once again, my luck failed me when I landed on a pile of wet leaves I could have sworn weren't there before. The moisture caused me to slip on the leaves, arms flailing, and land on my _derrière._

I picked myself up carefully, not wanting to repeat the experience. Groaning inwardly I attempted to brush the clinging leaves from my jeans, cursing Jessica and Angela, but Jessica especially, to a life of eternal damnation...on second thoughts, maybe having Jessica around for an eternity wasn't such a great idea. I shook my head, shuddering at the thought.

The lack of commotion from the window signified that they hadn't heard my smooth entrance and much less graceful exit; I breathed a sigh of relief.

Listening closely I realized that Jessica was rambling on about her and Mike. I groaned inwardly at the prospect of having to spend all night listening to her juvenile thoughts. Looking around I realized that the ground was too wet for me to sit on, unless I wanted to deal with more leaves. Thinking quickly, I ran up the wall to the roof and found myself a place to settle in for my wait.

For a while I tuned out, only occasionally listening to what was going on in the room below me. Until I heard my name. It was Jessica who spoke it, "So what about you and Edward then, Bella?"

I immediately straightened up from my position lying down. This night might turn out interesting after all. I waited in anticipation for what Bella would say. Unfortunately, Jessica's thoughts came first.

_I wish Mike would stop going on about Bella all the time! Don't know what Edward sees in her anyway. _Her mind became clouded with lustful thoughts. I shook my head. Would this girl never give up? I had been happy in the knowledge that I was rid of her infatuation, though, apparently I wasn't free yet.

When Bella finally spoke, I reveled in hearing the sound of her voice, "What about me and Edward?" She asked carefully.

Of course, Jessica couldn't take a hint from the reluctance in her voice, and pressed on.

"Well, like how far have you gone?" _They're all over each other at school…this should be good. _

I shook my head at her thoughts, though it _was_ understandable. Under any normal circumstances the answer would be an easy one. But unfortunately for Bella and me, our physical relationship wasn't the most extensive because our relationship wasn't exactly what you'd call conventional either.

I could almost sense Bella's embarrassment, and cursed Jessica for putting her on the spot like that.

"Um…well, you know…we like kiss and stuff really…and hang out together…"

"Oh, come on, Bella! You can tell us, we're like your best friends!"

Angela wasn't being anywhere near as obnoxious as Jessica was, and I was happy that Bella had at least one understanding human friend. Though those thoughts about her also quickly evaporated. I guess all teenage girls were the same…well, except for Bella…

_Oh, poor Bella. She's gone so red. Jessica's so nosy…but I do wonder how far they actually have gone. _

"I'm serious. That's all." She sounded defensive now, determined to make them believe her.

_Wow she is so lying! I mean, they're all over each other at school, imagine what they're like on their own! And anyway, if she IS telling the truth, then it must be him saying no to her. _

I growled a low rumble in my chest. How could she think that I would be saying no to Bella? The only possible explanation would be _her_ saying no to _me_. Before my anger could get out of hand, I caught the trail of Jessica's thoughts. She was imagining her and me lying together on a beach, feeding each other grapes. I shook my head, dispelling the absurd image. The girl had absolutely no imagination!

"So you know Edward's quite a _big_ guy…" Through Angela's mind I saw her raise her eyebrows coyly.

This caused her to finally come to Bella's aid. _Oh this has gone too far. I feel terrible for Bella_ "Jessica!" She hissed angrily. But Jessica took no notice; she was still gauging Bella's reaction.

_Oh look Bella's gone bright red! She definitely knows what I'm talking about!_ Scenarios of her and I together ran through her mind again. I felt like gagging at the thoughts she was having. How could she even believe I would be interested in _her?!_

Then suddenly, without warning, some distinctly X-Rated images of me started playing in her mind. I could no longer contain my disgust. I took a step backwards as if trying to physically part myself from her thoughts, wishing her to just STOP THINKING! Before I had even registered what had happened, I found myself flying head first for the pile of leaves on the ground.

I grumbled angrily, having found myself buried in the mushy pile again. I made a vow, sitting there surrounded by mud-covered leaves. I would destroy them if it was the last thing I did. Then again…I started mentally calculating how long it would take me to collect all the leaves and take them to dump in Jessica's room. The idea looked more and more promising as the seconds ticked by.

Soon after I picked myself up again before commencing with the same tedious job of "de-leafing" my pants. By the time I got back up to the window, I was surprised to find that the girls had all fallen asleep. I momentarily debated just going home, I would see Bella in the morning, after all. But my selfish instincts were too strong. I had missed her far too much to just leave.

I slipped silently in the window, stepping over Jessica who was rolling around in her sleep. I briefly caught the tenor of her thoughts in her dream. She was imaging herself running through a lush, green meadow filled with flowers. I almost laughed out loud when she starting singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music!" I clamped my hand over my mouth before I moved over to where Bella slept restlessly. She couldn't seem to keep still. I lay down on the bed, careful not to wake her with the movement.

I had lain there only a few seconds when she rolled over and snuggled herself into my chest and sighed contentedly. I wrapped my arms around her waist and closed my eyes, finally happy. She didn't toss or turn again all night.

When morning finally came and Bella stirred, I wasn't sure if I should be there when she woke up. But the thought of seeing her expression when she realized I was there, was enough to keep me glued to where I was. She buried her head farther in my chest, causing me to chuckle quietly. Upon hearing the sound, she groggily opened her eyes.

Her reaction wasn't quite what I had expected though. She screamed and jumped out of bed. I couldn't get my hand over her mouth to muffle the sound and tell her it was only me. By the time she had realized though, it was too late. Jessica and Angela seemed to be waking up, and I could hear Charlie's hurried footsteps coming down the hall.

I pressed my lips to her forehead before I released her and made a quick escape through the window.

*

When I pulled up into Bella's driveway an hour later I knew for sure that Jessica and Angela had left already, probably wanted to go home before school. I sat and waited in the car and within minutes, Bella pulled the door open. Her smile widened when she saw my car waiting for her. I didn't always pick her up for school anymore, sometimes she insisted on driving herself in that old scrap of metal she so loved and she said it made it more special when it wasn't everyday. Sometimes I just couldn't understand her logic.

She skipped down to the car before sliding in.

"Good morning!" She smiled brightly, reaching over to take my hand, entwining our fingers together.

"Good morning to you too," I grinned. "So did you have a good night's sleep?" I asked innocently, so far she hadn't shown any signs of knowing I was there at all.

"Yes and no. Yes, because I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that I woke up in the morning and you were there. Of course, that would have been impossible since you were hunting. But it made me feel better. And no, for when I discovered that you weren't really there." She frowned slightly.

"Well, I'm here now," I said as I squeezed her hand tighter. I started the drive to school as we sat in a comfortable silence. Upon my return home I had narrowly avoided an ambush that Jasper and Emmett had prepared for me by escaping up to my room before they even noticed I was home. While I was there I had thought about how to drop a hint about exactly what I had heard during the night, so now I was merely waiting for the opportunity to broach the subject. Deciding that there was no point in putting it off any longer, I dove straight in.

"Did you have a nice chat with Angela and Jessica last night?" I averted my eyes to look at her out of my peripheral vision. I saw the familiar redness rush to her cheeks as she blushed in embarrassment.

"What — what are you talking about?" she asked innocently, looking away from me, before realization settled in. "Wait a minute…how did you know?!" her voice rose in volume as she looked at me expectantly.

I chuckled, unable to contain my amusement.

"You tell me, Edward Cullen! Were you spying on me?!" she was mad now. Unfortunately her anger only amused me more. "Stop laughing!" she snapped.

I looked over at her innocently, "I returned early and wanted to see you. I didn't expect you to have them over. But I was interested in hearing what you all did on a sleepover, so I decided to stay." I blinked, knowing my eyes were "dazzling" her, as she liked to call it, and her will was weakening.

"So this morning…that wasn't a dream then?" she asked, still in a daze.

I shook my head.

"And…and you heard everything?" She asked, her blush returning.

I rolled my eyes. "A lot more than you did, Bella. Just be thankful you didn't have to hear what was going through Jessica's mind."

"What do you mean?" she tilted her head, confused.

"Let's just say that I won't be going anywhere near her for a while…and even less so if there happens to be a beach and grapes around." I laughed.

We drove the rest of the way to school with her attempting to get me to explain to her exactly what I meant, but I decided that was a story for another time. Though, with what was waiting that day, perhaps I should have told her and turned around right then.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I pulled into the school parking lot feeling the impending boredom of the day ahead. School was mind-numbingly monotonous for the most part, and I had a feeling that today would not be an exception...I couldn't have been more wrong.

I stepped out of the car and dashed around to open Bella's door and help her out. I didn't like to risk the possibility of her tripping and falling. Grace certainly wasn't one of her finer attributes.

Taking her hand in mine, we turned towards the school together.

"Did you hear about Edward Cullen?" The sound of my name snapped my attention towards a group of students standing huddled together. It was a group of girls standing in a circle, giggling. I didn't know them but I assumed they were juniors.

"Yeah! I mean you can tell just by looking at him! I mean he is HOT!" The giggling chorus continued as I tried to work out what they were talking about. Clearly I had missed something, but the minds of these girls were so jumbled that I couldn't even begin to make sense of what they were talking about.

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked while looking at me curiously.

I shook my head, "nothing." I pulled her along into the school, wondering what that was all about.

All morning I was receiving the same odd looks. Every girl I passed in the hallway seemed to be looking at me. But it wasn't at my face. Their eyes always seemed focused quite low on my body. The first few times I ignored it. Though whenever they caught me looking at them, they quickly reverted their eyes and giggled. By the fourth time, I had had enough and I tried to see what the culprit was thinking.

_I wonder if Jessica was telling the truth._ She let out a mental groan of frustration. _It's a shame his jeans are too baggy to tell. _

Something inside my brain suddenly clicked. Jessica. The sleepover. Another image from her thoughts entered my mind at that moment and I cringed. Why was she thinking about me? Why me?! I was going to KILL Jessica Stanley. The image wouldn't go away. I had the sudden urge to bang my head repeatedly on the brick wall.

The rumors continued throughout the day. And I soon learnt that the only way to escape the stares was to walk to class with my bag held in front of me, making it awkward to walk but more comfortable than having girls staring at me like that all day.

By the time lunchtime came, even Bella knew what they were about, and every time someone asked her a question about it, which unfortunately happened quite often, or she heard others talking about it, she would turn bright red and bury her head in my shoulder, refusing to meet my gaze.

We sat at our regular lunch table trying to avoid the gaping students around us. When Alice came traipsing into the cafeteria with a huge smile on her face, I knew it didn't spell out good news and it was time for revenge.

"Bella, love, can you stay here with Alice for a while? I have to go and do something but I'll be back before the next class starts, alright?" I whispered quietly into her ear. She looked at me quizzically but nodded her head. I gave her a quick peck on the forehead before hurrying out of the cafeteria, avoiding Alice and her thoughts, and heading straight for the woods near the school.

I took off running for Bella's house, my sinister plan already formulated in my mind, prepared to get revenge on two of the most infuriating things I had encountered within a day.

Finding the leaves was easy. Still in that same place where they had made my life a living hell the night before. I pushed them into a large pile, chuckling evilly to myself as I gathered as many as possible, before I picked them up. I was pleased to find that I could carry them all at once and wouldn't need to make a return trip. I could only imagine how ridiculous I looked cradling a bunch of leaves in my arms. And I didn't want to think about how dirty these leaves would be making me. They were a lot more trouble than they were worth. But their day of reckoning was at hand.  
Once I was satisfied that I had picked up every single leaf, I proceeded to run in the direction of Jessica's house. Arriving there I realized that I didn't actually know which one was her room. Thankfully her particular scent was easy enough to detect, it lead me to a room on the top floor around the back of the house.

I dashed up the wall to the window and carefully coaxed the window open with one hand while trying to hold the leaves and the windowsill to stop myself from falling, with the other hand. I chanted every prayer I had ever heard asking that I don't fall backwards off the sill. It would only be a repeat of the night before. Falling into leaves. The thought alone was enough to make me shudder again.

Finally it was open and I snuck silently into the room. Glancing around I decided it best to scatter them throughout the entire room, and that's exactly what I did. Her closet, her bed, her desk; everything was smothered in leaves and mud. I grinned, pleased with my effort. Admiring my work I caught sight of the clock hanging on the wall. Damn! Lunch break was almost over! I jumped out the window and ran back to school.  
The rest of the day passed in the same fashion as the start had. I blocked the minds of those around me by imagining the look on Jessica's face when she returned home to find the leaves littered in her room. My stupid grin had caused Bella to ask several times where I had gone at lunch, but I didn't think she would approve, so I didn't tell her.

Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse, we walked into biology to learn that we were starting our new topic: Reproduction. I sat at my desk, my head buried in my hands as the students around me watched a video. Not surprisingly, the girls were overjoyed at this turn of events and insisted on thinking about me in the context of the video. More than once I hit my head on the desk. Only after I'd done it three times did Bella point out that there was a dent beginning to form, so I had to stop. I sat wishing for the day to be over and to be able to return to the peace and quiet of my home.

When the final bell rang I almost found myself running for my car, racing to get away from the incessant, immature thoughts of every teenage girl in the school.  
Bella, Alice and I all piled into the Volvo and started the drive home.

"Bella should come to our house today, Edward. Esme was suggesting that we have a barbecue. Well, not we obviously, but have one for Bella." Alice suggested from the back seat.

I could see Bella about to object to the idea but it honestly seemed like a good one to me. Of course, I didn't have the good sense to notice the peculiarity of Alice blocking her thoughts from me at that moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

We walked into the house to be greeted by an oddly over-excited Emmett and Jasper. I glanced between the two of them trying to read their minds to see what they were up to, but I was only getting bits and pieces. You'd think I would have learnt by this stage in my life that  
curiosity killed the cat. Reading the thoughts of those in your family was not always a wise action. However this time I didn't think I was in danger of hearing anything I didn't want to, I was merely very, very confused.

Emmett's mind was working furiously, something it did very rarely. Actually, only when he managed to find yet another way of upsetting Rosalie, but his thoughts had nothing to do with Rosalie on this particular occasion. No, they were much more puzzling.

_Sausages. Jokes about sausages…Hmmm…_  
Jasper's mind was practically the same, only he was seeing sausages.

Upon seeing my bewildered expression they snickered to each other before finally breaking the silence.

"So how's it _hanging_, Edward? Jasper smirked, amusement evident in his eyes. He put particular emphasis on the word 'hanging' but I didn't think anything of it. It was Emmett's response to the question that alerted me to something unusual.

_Damnit! Why didn't I think of that joke first?! Damn that Jasper!_

"Had a good day at school?" He inquired, giggling to himself inside, as if what he had said should have meant something to me — it didn't.

"It was fine…" I raised my eyebrow questioningly. _What were they on about?_

The sound of Bella's stomach rumbling brought my thoughts back to her. Studying her face I saw that she was possibly more confused than I was by their actions. I shook the thoughts of them from my head. We were here for a barbecue, so a barbecue would be the first order of business.

"Come on," I smiled. "Let's go get some food cooking for you." Wrapping my arm around her waist I started off in the direction of the kitchen, oblivious to Emmett, Jasper and Alice conversing in hushed tones behind me.

*

We stood converged around the barbecue in the garden as the food cooked. Bella sat in a seat near me while Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper all stood around watching.

I couldn't see what was interesting them so much because occasionally they would start whispering just too quietly for me to hear, and adding to the frustration was the fact that they were _all_ blocking their thoughts from me. I had a suspicion they were up to something, I just didn't know what. When they finally finished their scheming, they closed in around me.

"Wow Edward, that's a rather _large_ hot-dog you have cooking there …are you saving it all for Bella?" Emmett asked while mentally applauding himself.

_Wow! My turn! Emmett strikes! That was the best joke ever! Beat that one Jasper!_

I furrowed my eyebrows. Huh?

Apparently Jasper had some idea of what Emmett was thinking all on his own because he jumped in straight after.

"Oh, I don't think that Bella could _handle_ that all by herself. Emmett? Maybe you should give her a _hand_," Jasper snickered to himself. Emmett definitely wasn't happy.

_ARGH! JASPER! Why is he always trying to beat me? Just cause he reads all those stupid books! He will NOT outsmart me! I will tell the best jokes! I will embarrass Edward the most! Just you wait and see!_  
I snapped my head to look at him. Realizing that I had been reading his thoughts all along, his eyes widened in shock.

_Oh shit! I mean no! Embarrass Edward? Why would we want to do something like that? Different thoughts! Umm…barbecue, garden, sprinklers, hose…NO! Not hose! Puppies…Ah…_

I took a step towards him, ready to beat him into a pulp if necessary. They were _trying_ to embarrass me?! Alice must have told them! I turned to look at her, my anger building. Jasper must have sensed it, and in an attempt to protect his wife, sent calming influences towards me. I fought against them but they were too strong.

To my extreme displeasure apparently they were not yet done. To my immense surprise this time it was Rosalie who spoke, flipping her hair over her shoulder haughtily:

"Oh yes, well we all know Emmett has a rather _big_ appetite…but it's not as _big_ as Edward's…"

I physically felt my mouth dropping open and my anger rebuilding.

Jasper let out a short bark of laughter. "Yeah and you should know, Rose." He replied, nudging her softly on the shoulder.

Each and every one of them was having the time of their lives. Bella had caught on to what was going on and had buried her head in her hands from embarrassment. Luckily for her she didn't _have_ to spend time with my infuriating family. I, on the other hand, would never live this down! Damn that Jessica! There aren't enough leaves in the world to give her the punishment she deserves!

When Alice finally voiced her opinion I thought she was coming to my aid. Trust Alice, she would always side with me.

"Come on guys, leave Edward alone. He's looking pretty frustrated. We wouldn't want him to _explode._"  
That was the final straw for Emmett and he burst out laughing hysterically, clutching his sides, fighting for breath. I considered, for an incredibly brief moment, just leaving him to it. He was acting like a child anyway. This moment, as mentioned, only lasted a fraction of a second. I took off towards Emmett, anger radiating from me.

With Emmett unable to defend himself at that moment, Jasper stepped in front of him, sending waves of calm towards me again. This time there was no stopping me though, my anger was uncontrollable. And, of course, Jasper didn't help this.

"What cha gonna do, Edward? Chuck a couch at us? We really won't have many left if you keep releasing your tension that way."

In that one little comment Jasper managed to change the direction my wrath was headed in. Now, instead of Emmett, he was the one who should have worried. And he must have seen something in my eye at that moment because he turned and ran straight for the house with me hot on his heels.

I'd always felt particularly fortunate that I was substantially faster than the other members of my family, and at times like these, speed was essential. But it seemed that luck was once again, not on my side. As we approached the door, Carlisle and Esme happened to appear suddenly to join us in the garden. Would I never get a break?!

Esme regarded us with confusion. Jasper's frightened expression and my murderous one must have been more than just a little out of the ordinary. It was normally Emmett I directed my anger towards, since he was the one always provoking it.

"What's going on?" She asked, causing us to stop in our tracks by moving in front of us. Esme really wasn't someone who liked confrontations within her family.  
"Ask him," Jasper pointed over his shoulder with his thumb jerked in my direction.

"What? Me?!" I was incredulous. How could they blame me for this? I was innocent!

"Alright, that's enough. I don't care whose fault this is. You shouldn't be fighting." Esme's words spelt the end of our argument…for now.

We sat down around the picnic table set up in the backyard; as Bella ate, we kept her company, using it as an opportunity to just spend time together, something that didn't happen so often when Carlisle had to work so much. Although, personally, I was feeling like I'd seen a bit too much of my siblings for the time being.  
Conversation began easily with Carlisle and Esme who I didn't have to worry about for penis-related jokes, which I didn't seem able to escape thanks to Jessica and her big mouth, and of course my darling sister who couldn't keep her mouth shut for two seconds.

I should have known that it wouldn't last though. I should have felt the impending doom behind Esme's question of "So how was your day?" And I should have read Carlisle's mind in advance and realized that this would be the end.

"Actually, something surprising did happen today for a change. The hospital was in a state of absolute chaos. A Chinese patient, I think his name was Wang, who was suffering from delusions, started a fight with Dick the janitor because he was convinced that Dick was an avenging triad member, trying to poison him with the cleaning fluid. It took five of us doctors almost ten minutes to split them up. I'm surprise the poor little chap even survived, because Dick's a big guy! Anyway, how about you, Edward? How was your day?"

After the constant innuendos flying at me all night, I couldn't help but hear Carlisle's innocent comment in the way that the others would have heard it.

Before I was given a chance to respond, my siblings seated around the table erupted into hysterics. Carlisle and Esme looked around at each of them, the shock plastered clearly on their faces. They _did_ look possessed, laughing like they were. Each looked like, if it were possible, tears would be streaming down their cheeks from laughing so much.

Above the sounds of all the others, Emmett's whoops were heard, a constant hooting guffaw cutting through the air, like the sound of a horse sneezing.

Through the laughter I heard the faint sound of Carlisle's puzzled voice, "was it something I said?"  
What amazed me the most, though, was the fact that Emmett still found the ability to speak, puffing out his words whenever he managed to take in a breath. "No, no, Edward's just been having a few "Dick" issues of his own too today." Emmett's capacity for joke subtlety had finally run out.

That was it. Nothing would stop me from murdering Emmett this time. He must have noticed too because his laughter ceased immediately and he moved at a speed I had never seen him use before, darting into the forest near the house as fast as his legs would carry him. My pursuit would be stopped by nothing. I pelted along like never before. Within seconds I had come into arm's distance of him, one more step and I would be there. I was stopped short by the feeling of something wet dropping onto my face. I slapped my hand to my forehead, grabbing whatever it was that had spread mud all over my face. I growled in frustration as I looked down into my hand at a single leaf.

* * *

Far away; On the other side of the little town of Forks, Jessica Stanley had arrived home from school, weary after a long day's worth of work (and gossip), and was trudging through her front door, unaware of the horrors that awaited her in her upstairs bedroom.

"Mom, I'm home!" She called to her mother who was most probably in the kitchen, preparing dinner for their family.

"Good day, sweetheart?" Her faint reply was muffled by the sound of the wind blowing in through the open window.

"Yes!" With that, she continued her weary way up the stairs and to her door. Finding her door ajar was not uncommon since her mother was likely to have entered to clean or vacuum, so she brushed this seemingly common observation aside and pushed the door open.

The scream of shock at the sight of leaves covering every square inch of her bedroom could have been heard all the way across town where a family of vampires could be observed making fun of their unlucky brother who was taking it in turns to chase down his siblings while his astounded parents and red-faced girlfriend watched on because he had been humiliated beyond all reason and was now faced with the dilemma of more leaves.


End file.
